(no subject)

[nick_garou]

Got to meet the new cub being detained at the Tenement one night last week. Goes by the name of "Ex" or maybe "X." Obviously not her real name. She referred to the garou as "infected" and kin as "carriers"--like the zombies (and the survivors?) out of the Left 4 Dead video game series. (I've got a personal hunch that the survivors are carriers of the infection, but we'll see what gets revealed when Left 4 Dead 3 comes out--eventually.) She's right, though. You could consider garou to be infected and kin to be carriers of the disease/genetic lineage. Kind of sobering. Ex seems.... damaged. Traumatized. More than just being told what the hell's going on, though. It's more like she's been traumatized in the past. Of course, she's older than most cubs--and even some cliath and fostern--I've seen. I wonder if she'd changed, gone unnoticed, and been out there all by herself just trying to cope with what she is? Kind of like what I went through for almost half a year--the no man's land somewhere between Revelation and Crazy Town.

I was half-tempted to dreamwalk her mind that night to see what had traumatized her and to see if I might be able to help her via dreams. But that feels invasive and.... perhaps it might be using a jackhammer where a more subtle tool--like just talking and comfort--is needed.



Rina was there while I was visiting. She seems to think I'm all light and goodness. I bet she'd think very differently if she knew I'm actually a warper walking in their midsts. I bet they all would. My life is cloaked in a giant lie. Some moral compass I am, huh? Of course, come to think of it, the kin and garou also have lives wrapped in lies, too. We all do. We all lie. We lie to survive. Does this make me feel any better about lying about being a mundane human and/or kin?

Sadly, yes. Yes, it does.



While visiting with the Walkers, I learned that Ex didn't like being touched. She commented on how she wanted my gloves, so I gave them to her. It feels weird not having gloves on my hands for the first time in..... a long, long, long time. But it's summertime. I can explain abnormally warm hands fairly easily if I need to touch someone. Not so easy to dismiss in winter after I've been standing around outside for over 10 or 15 minutes.



The day after meeting Ex, I woke up, turned my phone off, and sequestered myself in my Sanctum to re-read some books of Peter's. I lost track of time and just emerged this morning. Gah. Did I realy just spend  nearly 5 days doing nothing but eat, sleep, and read--while not realizing how much time had passed? (In my defense, the Sanctum has no windows or clock, so it can be easy to lose track of time.) You need to watch yourself, Nick. Or you're going to become a crazy hermit.