nick_garou | Navel gazing

Grizzly bear

I spent a day studying the petrified, possessed grizzly bear with Life, Correspondence, and Forces, learning how to create a decent illusion of one as well as how its bones/joints/muscles work, range of motion, etc. I'd need to study one that was moving--like I'd done nearly a week with that Malayan tiger at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle. It's getting easier to pull off illusions of animals. Sort of like learning physics formula. It takes a bit to figure out hoe the formular works and to apply it to your first attempt (cloaked Jedi illusion). The second attempt is easier still (cougar illusion). The third easier still (Malayan tiger). The fourth easier still (grizzly bear). Sure, I could just improvise something on the fly, but that additional degree of realism comes from studying something deeply.

Ultimately, I went to the garou for aid in ridding the grizzly of the spirit that possessed it. I think I could have handled it, but I'd rather that they did--just in case I blew it so I wouldn't be blamed. Jamethon performed an exorcism, which I'd have loved to have paid more attention to, but I ended up acting as the "ahroun" for when the spirit was expelled. I'll admit that I may have indulged in a bit of overkill by hitting it with a lightning bolt that I spent some time brewing up while Jamethon performed the ritual. The grizzly is back hibernating in my territory. I hope to study it more once it comes out of torpor in the spring.

A voice in the back of my head is screaming that I should not be anywhere near a grizzly bear and that nothing about my actions is normal. A decade or so ago, I'd have agreed with that voice completely. But now? I think, associating with the garou, which are far more dangerous than grizzlies, I may have lost some perspective.

The Nothing, The Something, and Prime

Sandra, Slug, and others are beating their heads against the wall over The Nothing, and I can't blame them one bit. It's an enemy that can't be fought or contained. We are all, garou and mage, impotent.

I'm keen to go visit the city spirit, Jebediah, again. I suspect there might be some bit of history he knows, perhaps tied in with Hillard Hospital and the Hilliard family, that's relevant to all this. I'd also like to go study The Something. There might be some greater connection between it, the bawn fruit, and the giant wasps that were dealt with some years back. Possibly something underground and tied into tremors for some time ago.

I've been experimenting with the concept of nothingness, creating a small space where I use magick to slowly expunge things like air and heat and spirit and life from a small, marble-sized area within a glass jar (in case this inadvertently summons a bit of the black ooze). It all seems to come back to Prime, though. Ridding a small space of everything, deleting it from the tapestry of existence and even memory itself, like seems to be happening with Hilliard Hospital. Warpers are known for their ability to reshape reality, but it seems feasible that they can also /erase/ reality, too. Pavel demonstrated how he can do this through his knowledge of Prime, but he claims The Nothing is not an Unworking. Perhaps. But maybe understanding Unworking better will give me insight into dealing with The Nothing.

Perspective-taking and dwelling upon responsibilities, priorities, and humanity

When I was younger, I found myself wondering why mages who were knowledgeable of Life magick didn't go around quietly healing the sick and the dying. Why were they not concerned? And now I find myself eyeball deep in studying esoteric things beyond the scope of human thought. Universe-destroying horrors. And my time goes to thinking about and studying these things, maintaining and protecting irreplaceable places of power, and further pushing at the boundaries of magick as I know and understand it. Some years ago, I'd spend time atop the roof of the Walker's apartment complex, extending my senses in search of fires about to happen. I prevented a few houses from going up in flames and saved lives in the process. And now I consider if my time is better spent as it is now, perhaps pointlessly throwing my energies at an unstoppable event that might end all of humanity and life on Earth, or if that time might be better spent directly intervening with Fate, doing what kindnesses I can and saving what lives can be saved--even if it is ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, utterly inconsequential.